


Don't quell the desire to love

by evilalmond



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Drinking, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 08:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20239786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilalmond/pseuds/evilalmond
Summary: His beauty shone all over the hall and he couldn't stop staring.**Title from Love/Paranoia by Tame Impala





	Don't quell the desire to love

Who the fuck has a goatee and actually looks good with it?

No one should, in my opinión. Its completely unfair for the rest of the population on earth that can't use that kind of risky things like a goatee, a turtlenecked sweater or crocs without looking absolutely ridiculous. Well, today while I was walking down the hall of my building to get to the elevator I crossed paths with what probably is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my miserable life.

A man who looked a little bit shorter than I am and had a head full of shiny black hair shaved on the sides so neatly it was scary, a nose ring, neck tattoos, and a fucking goatee. I wasn't able to see the color of his eyes. The short amount of time in which our visual contact could have been possible, he didn't look up. We didn't make eye contact.

And now I can't stop thinking about that fucking beard.

.

Nick is an asshole.

We were together for three years and he doesn't even have the decency of answering a damn call. I am aware that things didn't end on the best way, but as I said, three years together. I deserve at least one last conversation, something to be more at peace, answers to questions I've had for a long time that is tying a knot in my chest that, a knot that I can't live with because I feel like I can't breathe. I need closure.

I know I'm not in love with Nick anymore, I know that that special thing between us is over and it cant be saved, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him as a person rather than as a boyfriend. And the asshole can't even answer a goddamn call.

Niall is looking at me from the other side of the table, placed next to a big window in the café we always visit on Thursdays, looking at me with a little bit of pity and I can't blame him. From the outside I must look ridiculous, with a face full of misery looking at my phone waiting for something that both of us know is probably not going to come. But before giving my attention back to Niall, I tap on the Instagram icon quickly, to get into Nicks profile one more time -his name appears at the top of the most search list, it's almost like direct access to misery- to check if he uploaded anything. And he did. The asshole had just posted a nice selfie of him smiling to the camera to his story, those cute little wrinkles he gets around his eyes showing. I close the app and look up at Niall.

''Sorry, I've been a little distracted lately.'' I say while looking down again, but this time at my coffee, currently not as hot as it should be to be enjoyed.

''It's okay Harry, I know that the whole Nick thing was sudden and you are still getting adjusted, but please, you have to start talking to us about it, we almost don't even know what happened. We love you and you are pushing us away. Where is the Harry we know? The one that always has something to say or a joke to tell; I know it all takes time, but, Harry, you need to start moving on.'' Niall says while looking at me directly in the eyes.

''I am moving on. But I need to speak to him, there are so many things I want to say to him and so many answers that he needs to give me that I feel like something is growing inside my chest and it won't let me breathe. Three fucking years and we break up and he gives me nothing. It was almost as if he'd vanished, as if he had never existed.'' I say now looking through the window, trying not to get too emotional because I'm too tired of crying, ''Don't you think I deserve more than that? Weren't we in love enough to respect each other and behave like adults so that we can have a civilized breakup? We share friends, we go to the same bars on the weekends; at some point, we are going to see each other and, because of him, it's going to be tense.'' I pause for a second.

''It's going to be tense and uncomfortable not only for us but for everyone else too. The only thing I want is to leave things in a good place so we don't end up behaving like one of those nasty ex-boyfriends that send each other dirty looks and don't say hi.''

''I know, and you are right. But, what if he never texts back? What happens if he just won't talk to you? Are you going to wait forever for that call?''

''No, of course not. But right now, it feels necessary.''  
.

Niall and Louis live in the same building as me, they say it was a coincidence, but the truth is it wasn't at all. I've been living here for five years, at first in a small studio on the third floor and now that I have a decent job and a good salary I moved to a bigger flat with an actual bedroom, a relatively big kitchen and a living room that is connected to the balcony, this time in the seventh floor.

Keep in mind, this building is huge. It has five elevators and hallways that seem endless, and a total of 12 floors. Nevertheless, Niall and Louis live in an apartment that is right next to mine and call it a coincidence.

Their flat is bigger than mine though; their living room almost twice the size, although the kitchen is exactly the same, and instead of one they have two bedrooms, that's why most of the times we see each other (meaning all the time) it's at theirs. Oh! And I forgot to mention that their balcony and mine are basically the same thing, only divided by a very thin wall, which stopped calls from being the easiest way of communication and aggressive yelling taking its #1 place. Lovely.

And that's exactly what's happening right now; Louis, very, very loud Louis is yelling from his side of the balcony something along the lines of ''Harry! Harry, it's time! It's about to start! Oh my god, it's starting and you are missing it!''. So I grab my keys and quickly disconnect my phone from the charger so I can take it with me and head to the door.

Obviously we have each other's keys, but are only allowed to use them when we are invited or in case of an emergency, for example, if I want to ask Niall for his computer charger cause' I can't find mine I have two options; one, I text him and wait for him to answer if I can go get it (that makes the use of the key permitted), or two, I ring the doorbell and wait for someone to open the door. Of course, I made those rules and I'm also the only one who follows them because Niall and Louis don't stand out for following rules nor respecting personal space.

Anyway, I use my key to get into their apartment and find them spread out on the couch with multiple beer cans and bowls full of snacks on the mini table, It's Love Island time.

I know, I know. Its a very politically incorrect show and it sends a horrible message but I consider myself a feminist and an advocate of human rights, I mean, I'm a vegan, I can watch love island without feeling guilty about it.

.

''So, Harold. How is that heartbreak going?'' Louis askes me, he has a very hard time taking things seriously, its a bit concerning.

''I'm fine Lewis, it's not heartbreak, it's just a mix of sexual frustration and emotional frustration,'' I replied, which is partly true.

''That's literally what heartbreak is, but said a little less dramatically.' he says looking at me sideways with one of those smirks he does when he thinks he said something smart.

''I'm okay, anyway. I just developed an addiction to Instagram stalking Nick every ten minutes, which cant be healthy.''

''Oh, Harold, Harold. The good old Social Media stalking obsession after the breakup. Is this your first time having it? I went through that at least 5 times already.''

''4 of those 5 times were with the same woman, whom you are currently,'' says Niall, joining the conversation.

''Shut up Neil, we are not talking with you, interrupting conversation is rude, have you learnt nothing?''

''I am literally sitting in the middle of the both of you-''

''Oh my god, the disrespect!' Louis interrupted, 'How dare you talk to your elders like that! kids these days have no shame.''

''Anyway,'' Louis continued, ''Today I met a guy named Liam who lives in this very floor and I liked him so I kindly invited him to have some pints with us this Friday at the bar, after telling him that from now on, he was Lima to me,'' Louis says smiling like that was the most genius nickname ever. Louis has a thing that we call compulsive name changing obsession, which means that for every person he meets, he creates a nickname, and they are not even real nicknames, like when people call me Haz or when I call Niall, Ni. Nope, he just misspells our actual names and thinks it's the funniest thing in the world, it's a nightmare.

''That's actually pretty nice Louis, well done!'' I say being half sarcastic and half actually proud. And after a second, ''How does he look like?'' I ask when I remember the guy I saw this morning in the hall. What if it was him? Am I really that lucky?

''You are not rebounding with poor Liam, Harold. He is a nice man and does not deserve to be treated that way.'' Louis says looking almost truthfully offended, his expression changes a second later when he says, ''He has huge abs though, tattoos that cover half of both his hands and short brown hair that actually looks pretty soft, I wonder which shampoo he uses.''

''Firstly, I am not rebounding with anyone, you know I would never do that. And secondly, I've never seen him. You sure he lives on this floor?''

''Yep, at the door on the right end of the hall, but he has a weird schedule, he told me. He's a fucking firefighter, can you believe?'' Louis pointed out as his eyes widened like he was amused even saying it.

''Sounds like you have a little crush over this Liam boy, remember you have a girlfriend sir,'' said Niall, who at this point seemed to only care about the conversation if he had a witty comment to throw at Louis.

''As long as I am aware, I like vagina. If any changes emerge in my sexuality you two will be my top picks for experimentation.''

''Oh my god no fucking way, what the fuck,'' Niall said as he covers his eyes with his hands, almost as if he had seen something horrifying and I say-

''Okay, I think that's my cue to leave, hope you guys have a good night and don't drink too much, remember tomorrow is a workday''

''Okay, dad.'' Said Louis while standing up and walking towards the kitchen.

''Love you Harry, if you need anything remember you are two doors away,'' Niall said with a soft expression on his face.

''Two doors and a doorbell, Niall.''

''Sure, boy.''

''Thanks, love you.'' I say as I close the door.

.

That moment before going to sleep used to play with your phone is my perdition. Right now I'm not even on Nick's Instagram profile, I'm in mine, looking at all of those pictures we took in all of those places, smiling together with one of his arms always wrapped around my waist. Some with my family and others with his. And now is when I understand even less; why? Why won't he answer the phone? Doesn't he need answers as much as me? Doesn't he want my reason as much as I want his? Isn't he hurting?

In a few moments of anger I delete all of them. Fuck him. If he thinks that what we had is not worth enough, then I do too. I don't want to look weak, if he wants to ignore me and leave things as they are then so be it. I can't keep feeling like this, and if to undo this knot in my chest I have to delete him from my life, then that is what I am going to do. I tried to do things the right way, the grown-up way and got nothing. It's not fair that I am the one who calls and texts and watches stories.  
I leave my profile and go to his, only to click the 'unfollow' button without thinking about it twice because I know he has his account set on private, therefore I won't be able to see anything anymore. As soon as I pressed that button I felt the knot loosening ever so slightly. I don't block him because I don't care if he sees my stuff, or if he doesn't, he can look if he wants.

What other social media do I have? Twitter. Does he use Twitter? I don't, but fuck it, if I'm going to do this, I'm doing it right. I go to Twitter and stop following him, and do the same with Facebook after, even though he had already changed our relationship status in it. It was even the first thing that asshole did after we broke up. Change his relationship status on Facebook, who even uses Facebook anymore?

When I finally leave my phone in the nightstand and roll the other way, closing my eyes so I can finally go to sleep. The sound of a single message echoes through the room. But I don't turn around, I don't care, it's probably Louis being annoying sending me yet another meme of a frog or Niall that found a new recipe that we can try together.

Even if its Nick, I don't care.


End file.
